


(everything is) blue

by Amber_Flicker



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dissociation, Drabble, Empath!Cisco, Empathy, Gen, Imagery & Symbolism, Sort Of, mono no aware, vague killervibe that may be interpreted however you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-30 17:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12658392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker
Summary: He's drowning in blue.





	(everything is) blue

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Colors by Halsey

**I.**

It's like this;

 

Light swirls in his vision, twists his thoughts into a knot. He stills, lets the haze crash over him like waves and drowns and drowns and drowns.

 

**II.**

The thing is, everything is so fast. Not.. not in the way speedsters are fast. One moment someone is emitting such a strong emotion and then they're onto something else entirely, flickering like lightning bugs, and it's fleeting as the life of said bugs, too. But then, human lives are just as fleeting, and sometimes, he looks at someone and sees their entire life play out right into death like some sort of movie. 

 

It isn't the kind of movie he wants to see.

 

He's reminded of how when he's in an empty room that people frequently pass through, he can feel the ghosts of their thoughts left behind, residue of emotions. It's enough to make anyone choose to spend most of their time isolated in a lab.

 

(he does)

 

**III.**

He rubs at his temples, hoping that just this once, it might relieve the pressure. A _real,_ solid sound draws him out of it momentarily. Someone sets a steaming mug on his desk.

 

Caitlin smiles at him, small and concerned and maybe _knowing_ , but it settles into Cisco as something warm and glowing and golden.

 

Her emotions have always been softer than those of the others on the team. He doesn't know what to think or feel about that, but then, he doesn't know what to think or feel about most things anymore.

 

**IV.**

The room is too crowded. It's loud. It rings not in his ears, but his head. Someone is screaming and clawing like a caged animal, but no one's face shows such a thing. Someone else is locked deep into apathy, which is almost better, except sometimes Cisco thinks feeling nothing is worse than feeling everything. Yet another is hesitating over _something,_ mind racing back and forth as if pacing a room and he's on to a different web of emotions now, grieving and bitter and angry, and it reminds him too much of how he felt after-

 

it's loud.

 

Cisco pushes through the crowd without a thought, not even hearing any protests, trying to suck back in air and not fall into the blue again.

 

**V.**

He's drifting. It isn't pleasant or unpleasant, it just _is._ He's alone in his head, something rare nowadays, and it might just be worse, no familiar white noise. He tries to remember the last time he didn't have to struggle to keep himself sane, and only comes up with vague memories of something that seems so long ago but was barely two years ago. He feels golden when he thinks about it. The same as when Caitlin smiles at him, or that rush of Barry finally taking down a villain.

 

It never lasts.

 

His head pounds with possibilities and _blue._ Connections unintentional and unbreakable. He doesn't feel like he's even a part of his world half the time, because his mind is always whisked away to another or busy residing someone else's head. The multiverse is not kind to her chosen conduits. Cisco wonders why it ever had to pick him, and it replies in a hundred more images to flood his mind, and he drowns once more.

 

(the color blue leaves him dizzy now)

 

**VI.**

It's almost painful to be around Barry Allen, he thinks. A speedster's mind races so much faster than any other, too many emotions at once, glimpses into the speedforce itself on occasion. Cisco's mind can't keep up however much it tries. And he's so _bright._ Interacting with him has become exhausting, bone deep weariness that makes him more irritable than ever. It's so, so hard to deal with everyone else's feelings when his own are overwhelming.

Whenever it's finally too much, his mind and emotions fog over and he's numb to it all. Is it possible to feel so much that you're too tired to feel any more? Is a retrograde to his natural state? Because,

It's like this;

sometimes, when he's alone, he feels nothing. 

 

Perhaps, he no longer _can_ feel anything but others' emotions.

 

 

(what does that make him?)

**Author's Note:**

> This is... very experimental, but I think I got the effect I wanted.
> 
> I'm not sure how clear it is, as this fic is intentionally vague, but empathy is just an extension of his vibe powers. I imagine this set in the first half of s3. Canon compliant tag because it doesn't directly oppose anything from canon, currently.
> 
> cliches-and-coffee on tumblr.


End file.
